Ask a Single Mom: How Do You Make Time to Date at All?
We asked single moms in our community how they actually find time to date with an already packed schedule. The answers were less about finding extra time and more about being strategic with the time that already exists.
“I date during the hours my custody schedule gives me a break”
Several moms mentioned using their existing off-duty custody time specifically for dating, rather than trying to find additional time beyond what the schedule already provides. “My ex has the kids every other weekend. That’s when I date. I don’t try to squeeze it into the weeks I have them, because that just adds stress on top of an already full plate.”
“I use childcare swaps specifically for date nights, not just emergencies”
A few moms mentioned using an existing childcare swap arrangement (covered in more detail in our guide to childcare swap networks) specifically for occasional date nights, not just practical emergencies. “Once I had a reliable swap partner, I started using it for dating too. It felt like permission I didn’t realize I needed to give myself.”
“I do lower-commitment dates that fit a tight window”
Several moms specifically chose shorter, lower-commitment date formats — a coffee instead of dinner, a quick after-work drink — that fit into smaller windows of time rather than requiring an entire evening. “A 45-minute coffee date tells you almost as much as a three-hour dinner, and it’s so much easier to actually schedule.”
“I stopped feeling guilty about saying no to plans that don’t fit”
A recurring theme was learning to decline date plans that didn’t realistically fit, rather than overcommitting and then feeling stressed trying to make it work. “I used to say yes to whatever time someone suggested, even if it meant a stressful scramble. Now I just say ‘that doesn’t work for me, but I’m free [alternative time]’ and it’s so much less draining.”
“I lean on apps and texting to build connection before investing in in-person time”
A few moms mentioned using messaging and phone calls more heavily before committing limited in-person time, essentially front-loading the getting-to-know-you process asynchronously. “By the time we actually meet in person, I’ve already learned enough through texting and a couple of calls to know if it’s worth using my limited free time on an actual date.”
“I accepted that dating would be slower-paced than it used to be”
Several moms specifically mentioned adjusting their expectations about pacing, accepting that dating now moves more slowly than it might have before kids, given the more limited and structured windows of available time. “It’s just a different pace now. I used to go on dates multiple times a week. Now it’s maybe once every couple of weeks, and I’ve had to make peace with that being the realistic version for my life right now.”
The Bottom Line
Making time to date as a single mom, across these answers, came down to using existing schedule gaps strategically, choosing date formats that fit smaller windows, and adjusting expectations about pacing rather than trying to force a faster, more frequent dating rhythm than current logistics actually allow. None of these moms described finding extra time from nowhere — just working more deliberately with the time that already existed.